oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
