hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
