Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Found the puke drawer
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
