So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
