I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
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I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
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I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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