Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize