My liver just broke up with me...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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