hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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