I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize