are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
