we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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