Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
