3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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