he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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