Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
