Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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