just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
