i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
