dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she told me i tasted like america
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
