I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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