Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize