Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You're earring is so big in my mouth
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
