Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
