This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
