I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize