So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
