I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
