i just google imaged poop.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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