I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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