Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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