All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
