The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
