your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
