fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
