I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
