I smell stomach acid.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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