we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i barfeds in our rink
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
