OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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