I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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