I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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