im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
