After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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