i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
