My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Randomize
