i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize