pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
