you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
