this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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