Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
