i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
