Define "chronic" masturbator.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
