you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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