if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
