he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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