What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
