So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
