thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
