remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
