Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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