The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
