when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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