he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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