one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize