im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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