yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
